In March of 2012, my husband and I decided to start trying for children. In April, I became pregnant, and by the end of April I had lost the baby. I knew many people, close family and friends, who had gone through miscarriages and went on to have beautiful little ones. I stayed positive and chalked this up to my first try, knowing in my heart that things would be different the next time. I turned to yoga, not for the first time in my life, for healing, but this time it was more for inner peace.
In September, we found out I was pregnant again. No one I knew had been through multiple miscarriages, so I had no reason to believe I would be any different. When we lost the baby again, I took it much harder. I went through all of the anger and bargaining and confusion that anyone experiences during a death….because that’s what it was to me. I never held the babies. I never even got to see their faces, but they were alive inside me, and when I lost them I died a little too.
I allowed myself to grieve, but decided that it might not be the right time to start trying for another. It seemed that everyone around me was getting pregnant, and I found it hard to be more than bitter about it. I wanted to be happy for them, but it wasn’t genuine. I made up my mind that I wouldn’t allow myself to harden, but that I would use those feelings as my gauge for progress in emotional healing. I also decided that because yoga had been so healing for me, that I would turn to it more fully this time.
My ultimate goal in obtaining my instructor certification has always been to give back through yoga by taking what I’ve learned and helping others down their healing journey. While I look forward to teaching a wide spectrum of students, the mission that was born in my heart out of my own losses was to create a space where others could find solace through movement and community even when they don't have the words to express what they are feeling...or when the good-intentioned words offered by others seem to miss the mark.
In 2013, when I wrote my application letter detailing why I wanted to become a yoga teacher, I closed with this statement: “Eventually, I hope to develop a class that can be offered free of charge through scholarships in conjunction with a miscarriage/infant loss/fertility support group that focuses on release of grief.” It is my honor to make my first service to that community the first workshop I’ll be offering after I graduate from teacher training in October. The “Before the Rainbow” workshop will be debuting on October 19th, 2019 at Lotus Counseling and Wellness Center here in Louisville, KY. I couldn’t be more thrilled to know that my journey will culminate in the dream that started all those years ago.
By making a donation, you can help make this workshop
accessible to those who would like to attend.
The cost of one seat for the 3 hour workshop will run $75.
Every penny helps and is appreciated.
Opportunity to move in the way that feels right to you will be offered throughout the workshop. No yoga experience is needed and you will always have the option to join in or simply relax in your own space during the flow.
Journaling prompts will be offered at various times during the workshop for self-reflection and self-discovery.
I don't know about you, but an emotional journey leaves me famished. You'll find a spread of snack foods and refreshments available throughout the workshop.
Sometimes we don't need anyone to fix what's going on. We just need someone to listen and let us feel what we are feeling, even when those feelings get ugly and uncomfortable.
Every emotional journey deserves to be commemorated. You'll leave with a little memento to remind yourself that
you are seen,
you are not alone
and you are strong.
I remember feeling like I had been initiated into some kind of "fight club" when I found out how many of my friends and family members had experienced fertility struggles, miscarriages and infant loss. This is an opportunity to meet and stay connected with others who have walked a similar path as yours.